A Long Wait

Welcome back fans!, Oh sorry, you're right, its me that’s not been here. Yes I apologise for leaving you a whole week without a new, action packed episode of this, the literary classic that you crave. I'm not sure what’s more tragic? Is it that I actually write this stuff, or is it that you actually read it? Anyway, I'm digressing...

Get your self a cup of tea, sit back and have a rest. This could be a long blog.

The last seven days have been busy and tiring. I'm thinking of cloning a double so I can have more time to muse in the bath while my doppelganger could go out and about, working, partying and generally wearing itself out. Is cloning allowed yet? Has science made it into the mainstream? Can I keep the cloning vat in the back garden? Would it need planning regulations? Does it smell funny and what colour would it be?

More importantly would The Gardener Mk1.0 clone have my taste in style, drinks and ladies? If you think about it, that could be the real industry killer for cloning. I shall go to the next cloning debate and shout from the public gallery "You can keep your complex ethical and moral questions mate, what we really want to know is whether they will it be exactly like you or will it have their own mind?" For instance I can just imagine coming home whistling a jaunty tune and looking forward to donning a silk dressing gown, twiddling the stereo to something ambient with a Sidecar in hand and leaning back whilst a selection of beautiful masseurs dressed only in small amounts of exotic finery gently rub essential oils into my tired feet and kiss each others ears whilst serving delightful canapés and instead finding that TGMk1 has filled the house with his chav mates from the estate drinking cans of Kronenburg, wearing 'sports' clothes and shouting "geddermoff" at Men and Motors. Hmmm..These are important issues, I shall do some research. On second thoughts I think I should work harder towards me coming home to the currently imaginary masseurs whilst whistling the jaunty tune. I know I'll use the cloning vat to make wine instead...


Uber Geeks and Cognac

Last Wednesday found me and The Duke at Dorkbot London This is a monthly meeting of assorted phreaks, electronics experts, net heads and people that I noted seemed to have something in common. They all either had far to much hair, or hardly any at all. It was held in what I shall call an 'urban barn' near Brick Lane. This building was mostly held together by pigeon droppings, cobwebs and corrugated iron. God knows where the electricity was being generated from. I surmised that perhaps these uber geeks were powering it through shared cagoule rubbing. Anyway, it was quite fun and the subsidised bar which was basically a man, a trestle table and some boxes of very credible Pilsner Urquell only charged £1 a bottle. Yes! Its true! I have found a bar that sells beer at cheaper than cost. I know where I’m going next time I need stock for a party. For a while we watched a nice but nervous lady waffle on about art and shared electronic studio space as the audience rustled their cagoules or creaked their leather jackets whilst eyeing her with anticipation. She eventually stuttered to a stop and the next speaker came on, literary. I say literally because the speaker was in fact a speaker. Yes that type of speaker, the one that normally sits in a cabinet and allows you to waggle your feet to your favourite tunes. The speaker sat there whilst a man with a beard, who I think was American waved bits of metal near it so that it made funny sounds. Both tribes of audience member seemed to like this. The South Park alike anorak wearers and the Gothy orcs crossed with Edward Scisserhands wunderkids smiled or grunted dependant on their evolutionary quirks.

The Duke and I moved on. As we walked we noted that bizarrely (at least to us) there had been a handful of spectacular women there. "So its true that some women find brains attractive?" I said. The Duke sagely shook his head and said "Some of us have just got to work with what we’ve got son. Get used to it"

We popped around the corner to Lounge Lover This cocktail bar, restaurant thing is very flash and very expensive. I agree its eclectically decorated and has nice pieces of furniture but I am going to surprise a lot of people when I say I thought it over rated. Ok so the decor cost lots, but if you covered it all with a fat layer of dust you might think it was Steptoe and Sons house (without the skeleton admittedly) I also think its a bit rich to get charged a 12.5% (or was it 15%?) service charge to be served at the bar, especially when the drinks are around the £8 mark anyway. The one good point here was our barman 'Simon Sheema' who does deserve credit for being expert, witty and inventive in his approach. For instance whilst we were there he was mixing up a Cognac and cream based cocktail of his own invention that used the herb rosemary. He called it a Mrs Robinson and I would think that a few of those could leave any young graduate corruptible. I'll stick my neck out and give this bar a year to live. Simon the barman should go much farther though.

As we left after a Mojito and a Sidecar each I began to think that eating earlier might have been a good idea. The Duke had sensibly munched though an oversize Upper Crust baguette on the way to Dorkbot.

I wanted to go home but accidentally ended up at Corney and Barrow Broadgate again at someone’s leaving do.

My evening ended at half eleven in the always reliable and always horrible Mcdonalds. Ah well when you need to eat you need to eat. The Duke ate again.

When I got home he texted me proudly to say that his flatmate had cooked dinner and left his in the oven. He'd eaten that to!. I’m thinking of re-titling him as ‘Three Dinner Duke’. I don't know where he puts it? Note to self: Research Tape Worms as I think he must have one?

This view was further strengthened after he got drunk at my house on Friday night and finished the evening by alarmingly cooking, then eating the entire contents of my fridge. If you ever fancy a huge plate of Pizza followed by Beef Tortellini, sausages, mash, ratatouille, tomatoes, new potatoes strawberries, beetroot and pickled onions (yes all, sickeningly piled, steaming on the same plate) Then you know who to call. I took one look at my Desperate Dan sized portion and felt sick. You wouldn’t believe it but he’s hardly a fat chap.

I went queasily back to drinking instead. He polished off the lot.

Flowery Chocolate Silk Things

The rest of the weekend passed swimmingly with the lovely Slinx. Roses (the flowers) Chocolates (from Paris) Champagne (from Oddbins) and Knickers (for her, not me) all added up to a very lovely time.

Save The Routemaster!!

I have known for a while that Ken the Mayor Livingston has wanted to hatchet the beautiful, functional and iconic 'proper' hop on-hop off Routmaster London Bus. and I had noticed the huge bendy, stupid monolithic cattle trucks trying to struggle around corners in the center of Town but I didn’t realise that all of the Routmasters were to be axed!. Yes that’s right all of them. I know they’re not that clean and that the old and disabled can't clamber on to them well, if at all, but that’s surely not the whole point? They are a part of the fabric of this great city and I love them. I love the noise they make whilst idling at the traffic lights and the roar they make whilst they are accelerating. Also they have conductors, some of which can be proper characters. I fondly remember a conductor on the No 38 who used to sing Motown classics on a summers morning. He was so good everybody loved it. That was a few years ago now. I seem to recall he actually got signed for a record deal in the end.

So, they say that by next June all of them will be gone, leaving us all the poorer. Join me and campaign against it. Kick up a stink, write or email your MP. Better still start a street leafleting campaign and organise some marches!

Take to the streets and join the revolution! Alternatively email me and agree.

Until next time sweet things...

thegardener1969@msn.com

The Weekend

Prologue

Now, don't think I'm selling you short. As usual there were cocktails a plenty on Wednesday at Lab which I still think serves some of the best drinks in town. And of course restaurants. We went to Mon Plaisir. This is the oldest French restaurant in London and is always good. Its very busy sometimes and is set over a number of smallish rooms but it doesn't feel claustrophobic. Take a date there, or even your parents. Very French yet also very friendly.

The whole working week was a blur. It seems I'm working hard again, I'm not sure I like it!

With that in mind the end of the week was inevitable yet also unexpected.

The Main Event

The Duke, James 'The Dane' and myself moved through Friday London on a small mission. A few beers, then a few more. A laddish start to the night. The Duke left early as other engagements pressed. The Dane and I started at a safe spot, Blend, where due to my long term patronage my favorite barman experimented with new ideas on us. Some were nice, some were not, but my oh my, they were all strong. On, on, we thought and attacked Lab (yes I know again). I must note though, that their Sidecars are special. Then on again to The Phoenix for a stabiliser and a headcount. As far as we could ascertain there were still two of us. A blurry two of us admittedly but still standing.

Food at Eds Diner restored a little balance...

We toddled off to The Rex...

...where we bumped into Slinx and a couple of her female friends. At this point, the night started to become (as billed) unexpected.

Now as I'm sure some of you will know. I'm not averse to a quick pick me up and the three muses were not short. Soon I was chatty lucid and awake again. James at this point had a rest. His eyes were tired. Quite sensibly he made a gallant exit. He had fought valiantly considering he, unlike me, had managed to keep to his detox, no booze January.

3AM

It was decided (possibly by me) we should all travel to my house for more drinks. This doesn't happen often as I live quite a way out of town. None the less, we made it. On our arrival at Cat Cottage I think I may have said to someone that I had a headache. Slinx friend who seemed quite caring insisted that I should have an aspirin. At least I think that's what she said? Are aspirins also called "h'eees"?

From this point on I shall refer to Slinx's friend as the 'friendly herbalist'

I'm also beginning to realise that under that demure, butter woudnt melt exterior, Slinx is far more dangerous than previously thought. Where will it all end?

I didn't get out much for 10 years or so, much to the amusement of some. After Saturday morning I wish I had. I have a tiny inkling into why on earth people dance around for hours and hours, sometimes with happy grins on their faces.

Its a shame all good things have to end. I had a lovely time. I think they did to...

Was there a Saturday?

On Sunday we went and lay on the floor and watched the ceiling and the sun at the Tate Modern.

All in all, a charming weekend...I want it all over again.


thegardener1969@msn.com

A Storm, Some Pervy Weather...And Some Mice

Slinx is a very dangerous girl. I met her on Friday evening having a few drinks with her work colleagues. Within an hour she had them knocking back rounds of Tequila Slammers at La Perla. Bear in mind this was only 8.15. Protesting did no good. As soon as she had led her work mates on the road to an early collapse we left. As we left she smiled to herself saying "My work here is done" We, sensibly tripped off to the Theatre.

Hurricane

We went to see a one man play about the Snooker playing self-destructor Alex Higgins. The performance is one hour long and Alex is portrayed by Richard Dormer who, with his wife, choreographed this wonderful show.

It's powerful, humorous at times and enthralling. If you ever watched Alex Higgins play or heard talk of him you will be transfixed. Mr Dormer has created a masterpiece. If you never knew who Alex was and perhaps couldnt care a stuff about Snooker you will still be amazed at the story and the portrayal. With that energy, no wonder he won a stage best actor award.

I hear that Richard is only playing this until February 6th before the show goes to various venues here and around the world. After this, he has said, he will not be playing Alex any more. He says its too grueling and completely exhausting.

I don't doubt it.

Buy, beg or steal to go and see it. If you can get a ticket that is.

After that we went out and got very, very drunk.

Secretary

Watched on DVD:- Mmmmm. I recommend this film highly. Watch it with someone you are comfortable sitting next to and not (for instance) your Mum. I bet your Mum (or Dad) would rather watch it without you as I'm sure they would enjoy it. Sweet, sexual and dark, its rather enjoyable. A love story with charming fetish corkscrewed throughout. Perfect for a Sunday evening, a bottle of red and naughty company.

The review I have linked to captures it better than I have time to do...But don't be put off. I don't know anybody that woudn't find it positively enjoyable.

Buy or rent now. Oh and eat with ice cream.

Life is always stranger...

A good friend of mine has a friend. Now (you might say) that's not unusual. Her friend has a husband which is also not unusual. The thing is that her friends husband likes to dress occasionally in women's clothes, and also, serve.

Its not a new, sudden thing you understand. Apparently he always has, and my friends friend doesn't really mind because that's as far as he wants to take it. Almost.

He has asked my friend whether she would mind very much if she arrives home one evening after a hard day at work to find him dressed in a maids outfit. He will then cook her dinner, serve it to her, wash up, run her a scented bath and then leave.

My friend deserves to to be pampered without the usual pressure to reciprocate. My friends, friend would like a break so that when her husband is at home he plays like a man, and the husband wants to feel whatever it is that from time to time he would like to feel. I think, having been around a bit that they all will be happy. I hope that I'm not wrong.. I will keep you informed.

Do you think that they are playing with fire?

I wonder if the husband is the Bag Man?

Bag Man

I have new theory about the Bag Man.

I think he is really a modern day Pied Piper. I believe that late at night when London sleeps he whistles on his flute and skips between tube stations. As he plays, the underground Oliver Twist mice come to the surface and follow him, dancing.

From Liverpool Street to Earls Court they scurry the gutters with their smiles and shaggy coats and they clean the streets of detrius. If you are very late you may see them, I have...

The Mice Sing This!

Thank you to the search meister himself jonathan@sirtis.org.uk This is a man who knows the Interweb better than I know my own home... Hang on where am I again?

In reality of course the Bag Man is probably a right bastard who crushes small mammals for fun. What do I know eh?

Cocktail for the month of February

I'm late with this. Sorry teeming fans!

Its a short month, so...

This is a short cocktail

Sidecar (A 1920's classic)

You will need

Brandy
Triple Sec (Cointreau)
A Fresh Lemon
Ice
Cocktail Shaker
Somewhere to collapse

Hum the Dambusters theme whilst making this. Or have some one nearby to spank, for fun whilst mixing.

Place ice in the shaker
Add one quantity of brandy
Add one equal quantity of Triple Sec
Add the juice of a quarter to a third of a lemon

Shake hard for a while and serve into cocktail glasses.

Voila.

Be very, very careful with this. Do not attempt to be suave after a couple of these. Just face the fact that they damage you. Perhaps even permanently. They were built of sterner stuff back then.

The Gardener recommends that you take the bus or just sleep.

Has anyone noticed that Johnny Rotten is looking more and more like Darth Maul every day?

Is it just me?


thegardener1969@msn.com

Blow Out

It was a frustrating start to the week at Fortress Towers where I ply my trade. Or at least I would if I was entirely sure what my trade is. Anyway I digress. By Wednesday lunch time my business partner in crime and I had had enough so we popped out to lunch. At 5 o clock we weaved back to the office fortified against the elements by a vat or two of Australian Chardonnay. In case you wondered I had Penne with tomato sauce and roasted vegetables.

At 6 o clock I should have gone home. You know what's coming don't you? A couple of drinks later with a work colleague found me in Blend and after a cocktail and a very large Cytrynowka I was going home. You know what's coming again don't you? Yes I hit the oblivion button. Oops.

The Duke had foolishly texted me to say he was at a drinks party and the object of his affections was there. Well I had to see, as having heard so much it seemed rude not to so I ran from Holborn to Liverpool Street, in the ice, and didn't fall over.

I didn't want to run you understand but the vaguely cold snap we are having seemed to have paralyzed the Tube network and those lovely Black Cab drivers had obviously decided that as it was cold they should stay at home. This often frustrates me as most of them live in million pound houses in my village. I think as soon as they earn enough money to buy such houses they should be stripped of their licenses which should then be redistributed to poor, struggling would be cab drivers so ensuring that enough of them are hungry enough to work of an evening.

As I was saying. I arrived hot, drunk and slightly sweaty. I met with the siren and noted that she was very tall. So tall in fact that I think she must regulary need oxygen. She was very nice but should the Duke ever succeed he will need a stepladder. And he's not a short arse by any stretch.

After that things become somewhat hazy, true, I do remember upsetting the barman after we ordered large brandies of an expensive nature at the death. Well he poured them over ice! Without asking!! I ask you, its not like I'm an ex trader from Essex who lives in the 80's am I?!

I remember laying in the snow like a starfish outside my humble abode and phoning people up to tell them how beautiful it was. I also remember making myself a fantastic triple decker BLT. I don't however remember eating it but I obviously did. Going to bed at some time around 2AM when completely lashed and getting up for work early in the morning is not a nice thing to have to do.

The one item worth mentioning though is I met someone just as pissed as me on the tube home. She kept dropping her handbag whilst trying to look sober. It turned out that she had gone out for lunch to, and not made it back either. So 'Lisa Fox' of Snaresbrook you deserve a mention in the Gardeners mid-week booze up hall of fame. I love the last tubes home they are so much more fun than the one on the way in. Cheers!

I've been next to useless today. Ah well, it couldn't be helped. I had a nice time.

Tube Mice

I love the mice that live on the Tube, or rather live in the Underground tunnels and stations. I love the way they scurry about in the minutes between the trains. I'm sure you have all seen them? If you haven't they are very small and have dirty shaggy coats but they all seem to be smiling. They remind me of Fagins children from Oliver Twist and I think someone should write a children's program about them. I'd watch it. For extra entertainment though London Underground could release snakes and cats into the network. Imagine the scenes whilst your waiting for that last tube home. Here Kitty Kitty....

The Bag Man Diversifies

Whilst I was getting a sausage sandwich yesterday morning (with HP sauce of course) I saw something I never thought I'd see. The 'Bag Seller' outside Holborn Station who regular readers will remember never EVER seems to sell a bag has diversified. The bags are still on the stall and still placed strategically just out of reach of any prying potential customers but he now has a whole range of winter gloves, hats and scarves. Better than that I actually witnessed him sell a hat and a pair of gloves to a passing chap. It may have just been his MI6 handler though? Further Investigation is necessary.

Audio Valium

Ahhh. Make sure your PC has speakers and that they are switched to the on position. Sit back and visit this page

The Tune

Recognise that tune? If not email me and I'll explain. If you do recognise it you will already understand.

The world is a lovely place again.

The current government we have should have been forced to listen to this along with the board of the BBC. If they had, perhaps we wouldn't be heading down the slipperly slope we appear to be on. Soon Private Eye will be the only place that actually dares to tell the oh so obvious truth.


thegardener1969@msn.com

Dish Of The Day

Some of you will know that as well as being a little green fingered I'm sometimes a dab hand in the kitchen, so I've been thinking of giving you lucky people a recipe or two now and again.

So to start this new feature off here's what I cooked for Slinx and I on Sunday.

Drumroll

Foil Roasted Monkfish with Baby Spinach and 'Cheats' Mashed Potato

To serve two you will need.

A piece of Monkfish Tail (about a 1lb in weight)

NB: Ask the fishmonger to remove as much of the skin / membrane as she/he can as they will no doubt have a sharper knife than you do.

I Lime
Lemon Thyme
Garlic
Red Onions
Salt & Pepper
Olive Oil
Silver Foil
Baby Spinach (1 Bag)
Cheats Mashed Potato (In this particular case Tesco's Finest with caramalised Red Onions)

Obviously you can use real mashed potato, new potatoes, or any other potato theme. I was just lazy.

Cut your fish into fillets, say 4-6 pieces, lay them in a bowl and season well with salt and pepper. Squeeze the juice of the lime over them, work in some roughly sliced garlic and a few splashes of good olive oil and leave to stand for fifteen minutes or so whilst you have a drink.

Then, take a couple of decent sized pieces of Silver Foil and rub one side of each with some olive oil, and place half the fish on each one. Add a bit more garlic and some thick sliced red onion to each parcel along with a good few sprigs of lemon thyme.

Turn your oven on to Gas Mark Fiveish for a bit and after carefully wrapping the silver foil parcels up so that they are sealed, put them in the oven.

Have a drink or two, chat and generally entertain yourself for 20 to 25 mins, unless of course you are doing non-cheat potatoes in which case, slave over hot steamy pans with them instead.

Chuck the cheats mash in the microwave.
Melt a little butter in a pan and throw in the baby spinach. Hear it scream, season a little and stir for a minute or two.

To serve simply place a foil parcel on each plate and dole out some spinach and mash.

Tres Bon!

Total cooking and prep time 45 mins.
Technical Grade: Easy Peasy.

You can of course use any old herbs and spices with this for a different theme. Try Thai for instance with some Lemon Grass Thai Basil and a little Red Chilli.

Mmmm, I'm hungry now....

thegardener1969@msn.com

A Class Act

At the close of the working week I hot-tubed it to meet The Duke for a few Friday evening beers. He was with a work mate 'The Gimp' who's nick name origins elude me. This was at the swoopily shaped Corney and Barrow wine bar, pub thing that stands on stilts overlooking the ice rink in the middle of the Broadgate complex by Liverpool Street Station. The Gimp left early and we observed the skaters for a while. Now The Duke was a few beers ahead of me and after we dissected his love live, or rather, his lack of current such diversion and then, further discussed his seemingly futile and long standing battle to capture the heart of his current affections, or at least her G string, he broke the conversation by stating "Lets do something tawdry". At least I think those were his words but if I have misquoted you get the drift.

We tramped off and had a few more beers in some cattle market bar that I didn't catch the name of, and then, when at the beginnings of blurriness headed to Old Streetish to Browns and then to Ye Old Axe, two pubs on the city and Old St end of the Hackney Road. I love their Web sites. Pure Class!

These are good value, old fashioned pubs with the added advantage that whilst you are supping your pint (or your G&T) lots of very friendly and remarkably underdressed girls wander about, and, from time to time twist themselves around poles, chairs and very occasionally punters before removing the last of their Victoria's Secret's. Good for them. I'm all for freedom of expression, especially as they seemed to be coining it.

The night was finished with a chilli laced Kebab of some note before I alighted the last tube home.

As nights out go, it was certainly fun. I blame The Duke.

Today I shall wear a hair shirt. Honest? I don't think so...

thegardener1969@msn.com

Who Are These People?

Can anyone tell me what a 'Metropolitan Community Police' Person is? Holborn and the West End seems to riven with them? I can't walk down the street without having to sidestep little clutches of them wandering about in their Police alike uniforms with dayglo orange jackets. Presumably the jackets are so they can't sneak about looking unobtrusive like a proper Copper should.

Can someone please explain?

The bag man seems to be watching them to. Maybe he's bored, maybe he's MI6, who knows?

Oops blog error below..I'm missing my headers in bold and the whole thing is unedited and hence full of typos. That's what hapens when you have a twitchy trigger finger...

The bar reviewed below is obviously called 'Mai Tai'

Never fear, we get there in the end.

Reports From The Front Line

This correspondant replendant in the invisible hard hat that London life requires has been quite busy.

Phuk That!

As the captivating Slinx and I met early on Wednesday with a view to film going we thought a quick drink before an early meal would be in order. We chanced across a bar that looked promising on Shaftsbury Avenue. You can't miss this place as its on the North Side of the avenue about 100 yards from Piccadilly. It looked promising. The decor and seats were very welcoming in a pink and wood fusion. We decided to follow the ancient rule of 'When in Rome' So a 'Mai Thai' and a 'Pleasure Punch' was ordered from the waitress. The promise ended there...

These were the worst so called cocktails I have ever had the misfortune to be served. Did they come in a can? The supposed Mai Thai' semed to consist entirely of Sunny Delight, which would be fine had you ordered that, whilst the 'PLeasure Punch' was anything but. On the cocktail menu it stated that it (obviously) contained "Lime Juices" The whole glass seemed to contain undiluted 'Roses Lime Cordial' Which again would be cool if you suddenly felt a need for acidic sugar and had a bout of scurvey coming on.

After a sip or two, an argument and a polite frown they went back.

We left and did not pay.. Do not ever, ever go here.

The Gardener has spake.

Things got better

We skipped elsewere for a quick snifter and then went to the Thai Pavilion for nice food. If you go here expect reasanable prices, good service and pretty authentic food. Also either book or arrive early and ask for the top floor. This is only applicable if you are stretchy of limb as it is traditional Thai seating. eg you sit on the floor with low tables. Not being a girl and hence not being manufactured from sweet flavoured rubber bands I didnt find this quite as easy as perhaps I would have liked but I perservered and enjoyed it.

A Movement of Air

The film we went to see was 'The Mighty Wind' which is a send up Folk Music from the late sixties from the same team that years ago brought us the classic 'Spinal Tap'

I was expecting a cruel and hilarious piss take of everything folk. Instead what I found was a very sweet film in which the team had obviously really fallen in love with the the idea and coudnt bear to tear at it to much. I watched our fellow film watchers. For the first 30 minutes or so every sweet (and sometimes effective amusing observation) was met with laughter and expectation. Then the audience was slowly drawn in untill I noticed that the characters had won everyone over so no one wanted to believe that this was a spoof. The end spoilt the illusion by trying too hard to remind you that this was all make believe. I wasnt dissapointed by what I found, but would have been happy to pay to see it? THis means to me at least that it works as a fantasy.

I wonder though if this film would have got anywhere had it not have been preceded by the great 'Spinal' comedy.

Hmmm. Its up to you.

As this was obviously at The Rex the evening was finished off with a couple of excellent Vodka Martinis. Civilised cinema is a beauiful thing.

The Possible Return Of The Great

I appear to have rediscovererd some of my verve. I have projects in mind. Watch out small world.


thegardener1969@msn.com

Leading Down Garden Paths

Now Im sure that you, my teeming fans think that writing this diary is easy. Please allow me to educate you. Sometimes its bloody vexing! Sometimes the fact that I went out on Friday night (of course) and then had a wonderful weekend with many sights, sounds, experiences and lovelyness is not quite enough to give me a theme to entertain you with. So I muse, and indeed sometimes ponder life's rich tapestry.

So for once I wont tell you what i've been doing and where, or even, perhaps with whom.

I'm not being petulant. Im just having an off 'writing' day.

I also have my garden paths on my mind so will be regailing you with that thorny issue soon.

Watch my space, I insist.

thegardener1969@msn.com

The Magic Of Theatre

Last night I accompanied a slightly tipsy Slinx to The Rex to see a flick. Its a small cinema and you can hear the projector whirring in the background.

One Last Chance

This is a sweet film, with a tight perfomance by the cast. It has pathos, laughter and a hint of dirt. All of these things encouraged me and I shall look out for more from this director. Lets just hope that Stewart Svaasand doesn't get any more sentimental than he already is, or I think he might go downhill.

I enjoyed it.

Faster Faster Till The Thrill Of Speed Overcomes The Fear Of Death: - Dr. Hunter S Thompson

This morning, two men in a high sided truck tried to kill me. After they (though I will assume that there was only one of them actually driving) had swerved in front of me on the scenic North Circular road forcing me to not only brake, but lock the wheels of my chariot and skid slightly sideways for a second or two, I swore.

I also hit the car horn. In my naivity I thought this might have woken the driver up to the fact that he had nearly mashed an innocent.

But no.

As I regrouped behind the red and white 'stupid-mobile' the window was wound down and an arm came out expressing what he thought. That's odd I thought a friend of mine once owned a company called Index Finger.

I wonder sometimes whether eugenics was such a bad idea?

Shaken, but please note NOT stirred I arrived home. Perhaps they knew it was me?

The Longest Day

The day off was not productive. The man didn't arrive about the paths and I didn't catch the bloody Mole. In the end I sought solace in my friends, and so, we have a naughty, out of time cocktail, just for you. (Yes you!)

I assume this is a variation on a common theme? I wonder what its called?
You will need.

Chilled Martini Glasses
Shaker
Ice
Grapefruit Juice
Limes
Brown Sugar
3 Year Old Havana Club Rum
Triple Sec

Pour the following into the cocktail shaker and shake.

1 measure of fresh lime juice (approx two and a half limes)
1 measure of Havana Club rum
1 measure of fresh Grapefuit Juice (from a carton will do)
Half a measure of Triple Sec
1 full tea spoon of brown sugar

Voila!

Garnish with a lime twist.
Drink
Make another six or so.
Update your blog
Worry about your diction
Collapse

thegardener1969@msn.com

Mouse the Cat

My Cats name is Mouse for reasons that I may explain another time. I felt as he doesnt see enough of me I should treat him, so I just gave him a plate full of prawns.

He loves me dearly again, fickle little beast.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Ashes to Ashes...

Friday found me full of good intentions. Luckily a long lunch soon put paid to them! On Friday evening I found myself having drinks with The Princess in The Enterprise which is a funny little music fuelled pub in Old Street. It turns out the owner of this establishment grew up next door to The Princess in Yorkshire, wherever that is? Its just opposite Browns (the long established strip pub) A few beers here and the evening was finished quite early by my standards in a bar/club that I like a lot, - Mother. As I said it was an early finish, so midnightish saw me glassy eyed in McDonald's, Liverpool St and tucked up in bed by one thirty. It had to be an early one. I had work to do on Saturday...

I rose early (well about 11) and carefully had breakfast whilst planning my assault. Armed with gloves and secateurs (my weapons of choice) I set about various pruning tasks in the garden. No bush was spared the cutback and I even dug out a particularly huge, vicious but badly placed Buddlia Davidii (Black Knight in case you were curious) Some of you forget that I am indeed "The Gardener".

I laid out an old wooden pallet and the bush trimmings then charged screaming at the house. I grabbed the creature feature curtain and the bonfire was built. After flames that would have easily melted Joan of Arcs amour and charge of the Light Brigade smoke effects I emerged victorious, covered in ash like an extra from Lord of the Flies. I chanted "The king is dead! Long live the king!" and I do believe that the neighbors were reminded why they sometimes think of moving.

Its amazing how small things please simple minds isn't it?

I shall keep a vigilant eye out for more of the little buggers.

A Party, The Wheatsheaf and The Phoenix.

Saturday night found me with the captivating Slinx at a party in Waterloo. We didn't stay too long but it was a nice crowd and faces needed to be shown. We moved on to see Mr H and other stand up comics perform their craft at The Weatsheaf pub in Rathbone Place. Sadly we arrived to late for Mr H's set but as usual "Crazy" Ivan the compere was excellent, as were the other funny people. It only costs a fiver to go to this and (I think?) its on every Saturday night. Its only a small room above the pub. I think it can seat about 35 but when its full and the mood is right its a lot of value for a fiver!

At around 11.30 the comics were gagging for a proper drink so we decamped to the Pheonix club on Charing Cross Road. This was another new place for me and 'Oh yes' I shall be returning. Properly titled the Phoenix Artist Club this is a members only club where lots of comics, compare's and struggling thesps go to get very trolleyed after attempting to entertain the struggling masses. Its open until at least 3AM

I would describe it as a big, underground student union bar with velvety drapes but no smell of vomit and a very relaxed attitude. The crowd was very mixed as was the music. Did I hear Eminem followed by the theme from Flashdance? The odd semi-famous comic was also to be spotted lying face down in drinks.

Prices are, well cheap. Which was good as I am on an economy drive

It was a much needed change. Mr H enjoyed himself, Slinx enjoyed herself. I did to, but when more Lemon vodka shots were bought I lost recollections. Was ANYBODY sober in that place?

I am becoming a member.

Sunday Quietness

There was only one thing for it. I wore sunglasses in January and went for breakfast at lunchtime at Smiths. Whilst I didn't have one, the fishfinger sandwiches looked very good. After food and a rather unpleasantly spiced Bloody Mary I nearly felt well enough to take my shades off. I didn't.

Instead a quiet Sunday ensued. I made nice cocktails and watched Mad Max (the second one) in the evening. It seemed fitting after the garden carnage at the beginning of it all.

Until next time children, sleep tight.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Strange Creatures in My Curtains

Now I know its still darkest January but London does appear to be developing an almost spring like attitude. Albeit early, the papers talk of bullish forecasts, people are hiring again and there are rumours that we will all be rich by the end of the year. Well if this is the new economy these days then it will do for me. Perhaps even the bag man is selling?

Right! You can all wake up now. No snoozing at the back or I may have to order a detention!

Oh The Hoathster seems to be still employed. Which is nice.

I had a lovely lunch today at a new place. Its a bit out of the way for me in 'Noho' (that area above Soho and in the hinterlands to the north)

Navarro

I really didn’t think you could find proper Tapas in London. I was obviously wrong. This is an old fashioned Tapas restaurant, eg. its been going for years and years. I was taken there by Slinx for a much needed escape from executive toil. If you know me you may laugh at that statement but heh? I had to work once, quite hard (well, for a bit at least) to get to where I am now. The food is authentic, i.e not over fussed, nor truly extraordinary, but it is truly Spanish. I should know. My Mum lived there for 10 years or more (or at least in the Canaries). I recommend this place and will go again. If you find yourself lost at the top end of Charlotte Street then go. At once.

The Creatures

I returned home this evening to find a cryptic note from my cleaner. Now Anna is not chatty at the best of times, but the post-it note read....

"Happy New Year
looks like
something has
been chewing
at your back
door curtains"

Hmm I thought?

I looked at the big white drape to the left of the patio doors and mused. It seemed fine to me. So I unhooked it and delved into the fabric. Horror! Fragments of white heavy cotton fell out like confetti. The curtain looks indeed like something has been chewing on it. Anna had neglected to mention the numerous 'scary' slow moving black grubs about the size of a match head that seem to have caused the damage. I didn’t like the look of them and didn’t want to hang about in case they panicked and swarmed at me. So I went out to see my friend Mike W (who currently has a broken toe in case you wondered)

I’ve just got back. They are still there. I’m sure they can sense my fear and are hatching a plan, especially as there are lots of curtains in the house.

What do I do? Do any of you know?

Answers on postcards please and quick!

If you don’t hear from me soon assume the worst.

thegardener1969@msn.com

PS: I’m sure they are watching me.....

London Lurches Into 2004

Like a tortoise staggering slowly from hibernation, London lurched into a new working year. It seemed to me that whilst most people were in town on Monday there was a certain lack of fighting spirit about. Possibly, for many people including myself it was an all day horror due to getting up in the dark and trying to remember where we worked and what it is that we do when we are not lazing about and having a nice time.

Well, moping just wont do! We shall see if the energy switch goes on in the next few days.

I went to the gym after work. Now this is not an unusual thing for me to do, but it was tricky due to the sweating, pink massed hordes in their new sports tops who obviously scrawled "Errrm, get fit!!" on their New Year resolution list. I'm sure they will get bored by next week and free up some locker space again. I do hope so...

The battle against cigs continues... I may cave in to patches at this rate...

thegardener1969@msn.com

One Down, Lots More To Go (We Hope)

Alternatively: Where Am I?

A happy, prosperous and healthy new year to all. And good luck thoughts to the poor blighters still alive in Bam.

Well, what a year that was! Many changes and much carousing. I expect to have a calmer 2004, health and wealth demand it. It has indeed been a excellent year though with many new friends and lots of new opportunities beckoning.

Many thanks to the cast, old and new (in no particular order)

JM
Mr H
The Hoathster
Steve the bald one
The Duke and everyone in the Wapping mad house
James (wear an earthing strap) Larsson
SoozieQ
Taya (Porn Queen extraordinare)
Pink Haired Girl
The lovely Walton
Alison (How many pairs of shoes?)
Dani
The Minx
The 'other' Minx
The Princess
Basia (fashion is spinning around like a satellite darling!)
Zzzzz
Slinkx (good things come in small packages)

Thanks to Location crews at

Blend
Detroit Bar
Lab Bar
The Rex
The Wellington Club
Smiths of Smithfield

...and too many other crews to mention.

Cocktail for the month of January

My New Years Eve saw me at a party in the Wapping Mad House. It was quite wild. 3AM found me behind the bar seeing what more damage could be done. This drink worked as a serious hammer finisher to a number of people I served it to. Errrm including me.

You will need

Lots of very pissed people
Lots of very stoned, wired and happy people
Lots more people in between
Light Show and Glitter Ball
Cocktail Bar
Pool Table
Fireworks

Ice
Vodka
Campari
Orange Juice

Martini Glasses (they were all I could find as the very drunk, "look at me I wear a parka and try and be Liam Gallagher" guy fell over a few times, once onto a table full of glasses breaking dozens. Sadly he didn't hurt himself..)

Throw ice in glass
Drunkenly fill to about half way with Vodka
Slosh in a slug of Campari
Top up with Orange Juice

Serve trying not to spill it. It was quite nice this.

A special mention to 'James' (another James) who kept making Vodka Martinis, a man after my own heart, if not my liver.

There are pictures on the Interweb from this party, email me if you'd like to see.

Oh I went to see Lord of the Rings (part 3)

I really liked the giant elephant things.

I'm going to try and give up smoking. I'm very scared. Please email me encouragement.

All the best to you all!

thegardener1969@msn.com

PS: I forgot to add a good lunch at the Victoria Stakes in North London. Go here, the food is good and its also a great pub. They also do some cocktails....

Midlands, Meat and Merriment

I went to my ancestral home for a couple of days before Christmas. The Madlands and particularly Walsall (visit this site its funny and true..) Its still quite a grim place. Whilst I didn't grow up here as such half the family did and I spent much time there. My Mum (Bless her) lives there again now after many years abroad. God knows why!

All the available shops are now pubs, bars, bookmakers or very cheap supermarkets.

Knowing that I would be 'up there' till Christmas Eve afternoon I shopped for my celebration produce and must give mention to the one non-pikey establishment there.

This was Hills Butchers, a family business established by Mr Hill in 1888. I have to say he looked younger than that? Anyway He supplied me with a 7lb piece of Beef (Sirloin on the bone) that he had been hanging for a good 3 weeks or so. He described it as "Orgasmic!" I'm not sure I share his sexual preferences but he was a happy butcher who loved his work... I promised to return one day to tell him whether I agreed.

I have to say that I feel slightly ill having eaten so much of it yesterday and today but shall return to tell the mighty Mr Hill that it was the best bit of beef I have possibly ever eaten!. Does anyone fancy a beef Sandwich?

My friend PHG (Pink Haired Girl) came and shared it with me as her family were inconveniently in Germany for Christmas. The afternoon was cocktails (obviously) and then more cocktails until oblivion set in.

I have one of the best hangovers of the year today, so I shall take it easy and stare in a tired and over exhausted way at the Kylie Calendar that the thoughtful Slinks bought me.

I think I may have to detox in Jan.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Bad Behavior and Christmas Baubles

Well well well, the Company do was lots of fun after all! Sadly the staff and ex staff that attended left for last tubes just as I got a severe thirst on. Though it has to be said I probably should have gone home at that point...

Instead (well I could hardly disappoint, could I?) I crashed The Hoathster's Company do instead. It was at Hush in the private and very swanky top floor. I arrived about midnight and was greeted by an excellent bar and excellent service. Being as it was also free I took full advantage to top up. After all I had had to walk from Covent Garden!

The Hoathster was in fine form. Considering the industrial quantities of Absinthe he had consumed he was hanging on well. I thought I was to, but now I'm not so sure....

After a short while, his company, with me in tow was off to Pangaea I loved this club! Even though I was heading towards the dodgy side of trashed I found the staff friendly and the atmosphere good. Mind you I was with a good crowd so its hard to say whether I would have felt so warm had I not been in a large group. If you like your bars cheap do not go! This place is wallet busting stupidity with a serious hangover! Thanks to The Hoathsters bosses who I talked at till about 4 30 AM...And special thanks to Sanjay without who I might have not have stayed awake. It was nearly 6 when I got home, almost a record. I'm sure I disgraced myself? Does The Hoathster still have a job?

On Saturday afternoon, after a serious reconstruction job I met up with the gorgeous 'Slinks' who still wishes to remain anonymous...

Lots of rest for the wicked

Hurrah, no more work till next year! This is a very happy but tired boy.

Watch this space, though there may not be an update until the 25th or so.

thegardener1969@msn.com

PS: Ah yes baubles. They are glass ones that weigh nothing, yet shatter if you drop them. They make my Christmas tree look beautiful.

PPS: whoever you are, Merry Christmas! x

The Walton and The Duke and Sharon Davies

Had a lovely evening last night out drinking and eating with good pal 'The Duke' and my lovely friend 'The Walton'

We ended up at The Cantaloupe at Old Street which is always good fun with Tapas style foods and excellent beer through to decent cocktails at good prices. We were quite entertained at the end of the night when a number of pissed punters became convinced the Walton was in fact the swimmer Sharon Davies. It never occurred to me before but there is a slight likeness. The Walton though is much prettier. She's off to Canada for Christmas so it was nice to catch up before she went. The Duke had a nice time to.

Today will be messy. Its the Company Party later. I'm not really looking forward to it, as I've said before I much prefer other peoples company 'do's But, saying all that I shall be getting lashed...

Its at Blend

Shocker!! Advance warning... You could track me down and unmask me for who I really am!!.... but I'm sure you've got other things to do... Saying that however, alternative, after 'do' party invites gratefully received.

Ah well lets see what happens.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Steamy Windows

F*%K Me!! Its brass monkeys this morning. Its almost time to wear a hat lest your ears drop off and your brain freezes.

It was getting that way last night when I walked though the crisp dark air up the hill to my lair.

The village light brigade are out in force now. Almost every house and garden tree has Christmas lights festooned upon it. Some flashing, some not, mostly tasteful I'm pleased to say. The notable exception to this being the vulgar purple flashing attempt at a Reindeer that's hanging off the front of the cottage called "The Gables"

That aside, its all very lovely and being as there are no street lights where I reside the illuminations sparkled beautifully against a clear starry sky.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Accelerated Fuzziness...

Ah Christmas. A time for reflection. Well, perhaps? Also I hope that it will be a time for recovery. The good times are lately keeping on rolling.

Friday saw the annual gathering of the clans. Well not really, that's somewhat of an exaggeration. It was the official 'Founders' Christmas lunch. This sounds much more grand than it is. The three of us, for that is the number, had lunch.

We were upstairs at Bertorelli's. You might have seen us? We were still there when the evening shift came in. The food bill was only £100 odd butthe booze bill topped out at at £300 plus. It would have been more but the other two faded out just as I was warming up...

Then I went to Lab for a couple of cocktails.

Then I went to the pub. I've made better decisions than that one

A Saturday pub lunch restored my strength before a late dinner at..

Le Mercury (Islington) Do go, excellent value french food, unstuffy and lively but do book or you simply won't get in!

Then a small but lively and fun house party with really nice people somewhere in North London.

I was accompanied by the person who wishes to remain anonymous. I also can't hide them behind the 'Charming Company' tag any more as they think it makes them sound like a "maiden aunt" They certainly are not in any way maiden aunt-ish. Especially not with those shoes...

thegardener1969@msn.com

Thursday Tomfoolery

Blend

I Moscow Mule
3 Mojitos
I Singapore Sling
I Gibson
1 very large lemon vodka

Sing to the tune of '12 days of Christmas'

Note to self: Please remember to eat before or during going out, it aids stamina and recovery...

I have to do it all again today to, ah well, someone has to.

The charming company I was with wishes to remain anonymous and as I have journalistic integrity I feel, for the moment at least that I can't tell you any more. I might whisper later though...

Oh yes. I recieved a Christmas Card this week (not unusual at this time of the year you might think?) This one was from "Dave (Your Postman)" it said. That was nice of him I thought. Do you think he wants something?

thegardener1969@msn.com

Petty Note to Blog Copycat :)

The Hoathster - for it is he. (link on the right if you have a lazy eye...)

Is talking Lawyers. The cheeky tyke!. Now he is welcome, as he is a rangy fella. But I must set the record straight once and for all. It was I that got us in and was the first to be served at the legendary HalfWay House.

We are half way
No one likes us
We are half way
No one cares..

The band played on...

I don't know if teenage reminisces work on a public blog.. hmmm I'll muse.

Cheers me dear :)

-TG

PS That review link is a laugh... we didnt need adults present when we were 14?
PPS Is the lovely Peggy still alive? Bless her.
PPS And dont even start on blogging styles. Sheesh these newcomers.. ;)

I know I know!!

*Sigh* Where does all the time go? I don't know, I can't even get to work on time let alone work out the answer to that one.

Life has been moving far to fast lately and this Blog has suffered. For that I offer humble *arms sweeping to ground* apologies.. Anything to stop the complaints!. God!, its nice to be wanted but ENOUGH ALREADY!..

Right, where was I?

Its going to be quick and messy (but sometimes that can be really good ;)

Simpsons on the Strand. Well I had to. After all an afternoon getting stuffed and then drinking 1965 Armagnac till it comes out of your ears doesn't come often enough

Skating at Somerset House. Get ticket and go. I can skate you see. Hehehehe.

Red Bar. Yea ok you can go if you want. But the barman only 'thinks' he knows a Moscow Mule.

In other news but in no particular order. Clothes / Money / Tiredness / Charming Company/ Sunday lunch / Christmas Muzak / Good shoes / Caipirihna's / The Italian Job / Gardening / Friends all around / The Duke / The Queen Vic / Oh.. And Rugby World Cup Heroes return...

Things should get back to normal soon. Other appliances may vary.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Nights on Tiles

The Tube system. Whats that you say? Where is the drink fuelled review of the worlds hotspots?. Well, sorry but you will have to wait. (though I was in Bar 38 earlier)

When you are scurrying to catch your tube train do you notice the corridors you scatter through?

If you do, then nod with me. If you dont, then do in future!

Tonight I was in Covent Garden Underground Station. This is not unusual. However, I thought I'd share the historic and wonderous orange and green glazed tiles in the corrridors with you. Look next time please (properly). Compared to the corridors around Stansted Aiport these could uplift you.

And don't start me on the sublime tiles at Hampstead!

The lesson today is that whatever you see everyday, you should always try to look at again, afresh.

Exit stage left.

Oh and also, dont even think about starting me on the beautiful RM Buses...(shouted from the wings)

thegardener1969@msn.com

PS: If you dont understand this post you shouldn't be reading.

Cocktail for the Month of December

November seemed over long to me, what did you think?

I've been searching for a drink that's easy to make and can be used as a nightcap with added oomph.

I've found one. (are you really suprised? ;)

Godmother

You will need.

Vodka
Amaretto
Ice
Tumbler
A clean stick or spoon-like implement of some sort

Take tumbler, add a few cubes of ice, pour in equal measures of Amaretto and Vodka. Stir well with implement and sip until bedtime.

Nice and simple eh?

If only everything in life was as reliable as alcohol.

Now where did I put my penguin?

thegardener1969@msn.com

Closing Thought For November

Remember, a Web Site's not "just for Christmas"

-TG

Pink Pop and a Minty Aftertaste

Pop

It was 'Pink Haired Girls' Birthday party on Friday night at Pop. She as usual was resplendent with her trademark pink hair and a good crowd was in attendance. I'd not been here before. I recommend it, especially if, as in our case you are with a group and have a table with a great big orange circle sofa to use as a base camp. Eg. think stupidity rather than romantic date

The decor is 60/ 70's kitsch and its quite bright, think oranges, reds and acid yellows, though thankfully the lights dim about Midnight.

Bar staff were good, overworked but friendly. It does get rammed though, so organise drinks in large batches. Its open till 4AM on a Friday (and I think 5 on a Saturday). Punters were good fun but my memories fade early as myself and friend 'The Duke' seemed to be on a Mojito oblivion mission. Hence the minty aftertaste and a morning sense of confusion...

I feel the December party season is just beginning, as if I'm not busy enough!

Cocktail day tomorrow. HuzzaH!


thegardener1969@msn.com

Old Memories and New Places

Wednesday evening found me escorting my friend from years ago (The Minx) to see the Gothic Exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum.

Nooo, not that kind of Gothic, silly!

Victoria and Albert Museum

The exhibition is entitled "Art for England 1400-1547" This period covers the reigns of amongst others, Richard III and Henry VIII and I recommend you visit. There are some wondrous things to behold, most of which you would never think still existed, or at least if you did you would probably assume that your eyes would never see them. Richard III 's crown for instance or Our Henry's swords, handgun (no really) and a full set of jousting armour for both him and his horse. There are some wonderful manuscripts and numerous ephemera.

The one thing that is truly worth seeing even if you insist of being led blindfold through the exhibition to it, is the life-size painting of Henry VIII by Holbein (the younger) which was painted sometime after 1537.

See it here

Its the image that everyone recognises. Henry standing imposingly looking you straight in the eyes with hands on hips and shoulders wide.

Having seen it on postcards, tea-towels and in magazines a number of times, to see it for real is extraordinary. You can't appreciate how powerful it is from any reproduction. You really wouldn't want to go to sleep in a room with it staring at you.

I implore you to see it. And its not often I implore anyone.

The Exhibition is running until January the 18th.

The Collection

Gosh! After all that culture we needed sustenance. Dinner was at The Collection on Brompton Road. This is a very large, flash and lively bar and restaurant that if my memory serves me right was once a public transport depot. If you know what it was please email me as many years ago I used to live next door (no really!) and it certainly wasn't a swish, rammed, hanger like place full of the Chelsea / Knightsbridge set flicking their hair and jangling their jewellery then.

Definitely a place to go for impressions. Once you have navigated security you enter the place by walking down an 80 foot lit catwalk.

Strike a pose, there's nothing to it.

Take a fat wallet, toss your head back, look richish and book in advance. Not a place for a quiet meal as its very loud and ra-ra. Was that Kylie I saw?. I wish!..The sea bass was excellent by the way.

Funky Buddha

Being a Wednesday We went on to Funky Buddha's in Berkeley St. Nearby, a song once purported, that a Nightingale sang. (I'm checking with Max Clifford)

Having not been here before I had heard a lot and expected much. This place failed to deliver on a number of counts. Now don't think I'm over critical! As you know I'll drink a Martini, or even a Mai Tai anywhere.

Company 10/10 (The Minx is, well, a Minx)
Surroundings 7/10 (not bad, flash as expected but the leather sofa we sat on was ripped)
Drinks 6/10 (would expect better at top notch prices)
Bar Staff 6/10 (This would be higher as they were friendly and attentive, just undermanned)
Crowd 4/10 (C List and rich kids. I've seen more character at a school disco)
Atmos 4/10 (see above : Crowd)
Music 4/10 (Thats not a taste thing, it was just watered down all over)
Security 0/10 (Overbearing, aggressive, rude and generally disdainful, in fact this deserves further comment)

I've experienced more polite riot police (honest!) clearing a party than at sweeping out time here. As those of you that know me will vouch I'm hardly a troublemaker but being forced to carry your drink to the cloakroom queue at 3.09 AM when you've just spent more than Liberia's national debt does not leave this Gardener with a good taste in his mouth (other than the nightcap Amaretto of course). Attempts to politely complain about the rudeness of the BA Baracas modelled lump were simply met with a so what air, a verbal, "do you want some trouble?" and a final "now get lost"

Sadly (some might say) I didn't actually get punched.

God knows why they need goons like that? After all its hardly a Portsmouth bar after a task force has just docked?!

Don't visit, it's not worth it.

The evening airs out

Old friends can have a moving effect. It seems there might have been much left unsaid all those years ago and much water has since passed under the bridge. Some things though, never quite pass.

If you have any old friends with unfinished business I recommend you seek them out and confront it. What you may find could pleasantly surprise you and indeed, give you pause for reflection.

Smiths of Smithfield.

After a night like that the soul may be happy but the synapses need feeding. Myself and Mr H went to Smiths for brunch. He was necessary in case I collapsed. As usual they supplied the best breakfast related food in London and even though they lost our food order I forgive them, especially as they insisted (by way of apology) that I had a very large and sublimely spicy Bloody Mary to accompany my poached eggs, mushrooms and bacon on toast.

I've just had an afternoon nap and feel much better. I was sort of hoping that someone might give me a full body transplant whilst I was under though..

This one almost "canna take the pace Captain Kirk". Its going to blow a rod at this rate!

Till next time children.

thegardener1969@msn.com

The Perfect 10

It was a perfect 10 all round this weekend. After the usual excessive Friday night mayhem I awoke bleary eyed and watched the men in white beat their demons and fight with guts, skill and sinew to lay the great Australian challenge bare.

England expected! And for once England was rewarded by bravery unmatched. Every one of the steel men created history, with no small part held by our number 10.

There were tears in my eyes.

10

The other perfect 10 was an unusual Sunday afternoon.

As many of you will know I am not averse to a good bar, or indeed good company. It was by chance of both that I arrived at 25 Canonbury Lane

Good food, good drinks, lovely wine and charming company. I was happy in the extreme.

Go to this bar. Its friendly, intimate and does good food and excellent drinks. Asking for anything more, is often asking for too much.

In other news (again) England won the 2003 Rugby World Cup...!

World Cup = 10
Bar = 10
Company =11

Total = More Please Vicar!

thegardener1969@msn.com

Of Mice and Men

Mice

Last night, just as I was cleaning my teeth, my eye was caught by a slight movement to my left. I looked. Hmm, nothing but the bath. (large, white, deep, free standing) In the bath was a mouse. It was sitting on its back legs by the rubber duck. It was a field mouse and it seemed quite happy by my yellow friend.

It also seemed happy when I caught it with a pint glass and CD combo and put it outside. Me thinks my cats playing tricks on me...

Men

Errmm, I didn't actually have a natural link from this sub title but I liked the "Mice and Men" main title as an eye catcher. Now before you complain about cheap advertising tricks just think a moment. I could have been obvious and said what I thought about George W Bush and his current visit to this fair city, but I won't as I'm sure you think it already.


The real link by the way is that it was Mr H's Birthday today and along with the bloggers, gardeners and comics of this world we wish him all the best for the coming year. May your shirt collection grow and know no bounds and may all your bonuses be in pounds. Happy another Birthday!

Raise your glasses!

thegardener1969@msn.com

Ohhhh Errr

I seem to be suffering from bloggers block! Fear not I'm sure there will be some entertainment here shortly. I think my synapses may have temporarily unraveled due to over soaking.

Whilst you wait play musical chairs. Its great if your on your own because you always win! If your not the sporty type and don't like competing why not just sit on a chair and image that its picked you instead.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Oooof

Full update tommorow, exhaustion is here today..I hope your all well.

-TG

Whoo hoo!

I just couldn't help it.. I bought myself a treat (again) well why not :)

I have a new toy.. Its a new phone (sort of), it does all sorts as well as take and play videos. So it will be full of smut in no time... errrm *cough* sorry I do of course mean business presentations.

*Slinks back to corner* and struggles with the manual whilst the evil empire known as 'Orange' skips off with his soul and all his worldly possessions.

For the those that care its one of these 'Hee Hee Fun on a stick!'

Back soon I promise...


thegardener1969@msn.com

The Big J Returns And The Little M Departs

The Arrival.

Yet another old friend was around this weekend. Big J, so called due to his towering height, which is always handy at the bar, has returned to this crazy city after, oooh more than 20 years away in a dark place sometimes referred to as the 'Madlands'

I went to school with him. Yes dear reader I did indeed, once go to school. At least occasionally.

We met for a quiet Friday night drink.

He had been reading this page so persuaded me to show him some of my grubby haunts.

Oh dear, it happened again. Mojitos at Freud (no link cos I can't find one and even if I told you where it was you still woud'nt find it) Drinks at Blend (of course) then on to Lab which I do like, especially as the barman mixes my own Mint Martini Hoof to perfection.

Mint Martini Hoof - My Cocktail of the month for September, browse on the right if memory eludes you.

Oh god! Even worse! We ended at the Rex (again). I think I do actually mean ended as well.

My weekend was rather quiet after that. Why on earth do I put myself through it?

Top notch fun. Welcome back J!

The Departure

Some of you will know that I have long been the keeper of two wards. Morgan and Mouse.

Morgan departed this evening and has gone to join her former, part owner. She's one pussy I will certainly miss. Mouse is still here. He's a faulty cat as he dribbles when stroked and often cries at the wall for hours on end. We are both sad that Morgan has gone and as I speak Mouse is lying near Morgon's old sleeping ground with a wistful, heartbroken look in his eye. I don't know why, she really never liked him at all.

Cest La Vie...

Public Mingling

My goodness, isn't this great city just a melting pot!. Or do I really mean a noodle soup of oddballs?

I ventured onto public transport today for a change. There was a weirdo sitting opposite me on the way in. You know the type? Slightly suspiciously clean, but note. Not shiny. He kept staring at the woman opposite him in a scary way whilst pretending to read the Metro. Fine I thought (as I assume, did she), there's my one for the day.

But no! I got a proper, good value one on the way home.

This chap was actually a giant. You may think that if you were at least seven feet tall to start with that may be enough? But no!. Are you sitting comfortably? I shall describe him.

He was as wide as he was tall.
He took up two tube seats.
He was wearing a blue boiler suit.
he was perhaps late forties.
He had grey hair.
He was wearing glasses. But not ordinary ones... These were like dentists goggles with big clear shield sides.
Where his boiler suit was open, if you looked, you could spy spandex.
He was dressed underneath (I believe) in a big daddy style wrestling suit (in faux leopard)
He was carrying a large grey sack (like Father Christmas might have)

He kept pulling out books wrapped in paper bags and reading a page here and there. He would then snort in derision before returning the book to the sack and (after a pause) rummage for another.

And! - he smelt very, very odd. (Of libraries?)

To cap it all he muttered loudly, but sadly unintelligibly.

He didn't look stupid, nor did he give the impression that he wasn't aware of his effect on others. I think he knew that his presence was noticeable, and he was proud!

Normally I like to chat to people like this but even I felt slightly odd (or even nervous). So instead I broke the spell by chatting to the lady next to me and discussing her extensive collection of photographs of leaves.

You think I'm joking? Move to London and enjoy as I do if you don't believe me. These were just the notables.

There's a drink somewhere around here and I'll find it, just give me time...

If you are either of these people please email me as I have a screenplay that I could use you in funnily enough.

Fireworks

Last night I was heartened on the way home. Whilst driving through the East End I noted a particularly heavy Judge Dredd style firework war between two hulking tower blocks.

Obviously the local newsagents had done a good job in arming the warring clans and volleys of powerful starburst rockets and shells shot back and forth between the twin towers with serious intent to maim

I'm truly pleased that today's youth haven't gone all soft. It brings back good memories.


thegardener1969@msn.com

Poorly Boy

I know how much you all care that I have got Flue (or some such). The steady stream of emails and the flowers and cards piling up in the kitchen says it all. Oh go on someone send something? OK, OK forget the flowers, errm just a ribbon? At least the cats could play with it and leave me alone to practice sniffling in a pathetic way.

I've always had a good record with colds and things, eg. I didn't get them. Yet this is at least the third one this year (at least!!) Hmmm. Some musing on this topic has indicated that perhaps there is a correlation between me historically, not being single, and my current 'fly by night' status.

So there's another mystery solved. Mingling with the general public makes you ill.

Cocktail of the Month for November

Green Dragon

Gosh, the things I do for you. Much auditioning has gone into this one.

Only drink last thing at night, not at the beginning!. The usual warnings apply.

You will need.

Vodka (as usual I recommend Stolly)
Green Chartreuse
Ice
Mixing Glass
Mixing Spoon (or other suitable implement)
Cocktail Strainer
Cocktail Cherries (or Cocktail Onions if you like that bite)
Cocktail Sticks
Cocktail Glasses (Martini Type)

Fill the mixing glass with ice, add two measures (up to you how large. How many of you are there?) of Vodka and one measure of Green Chartreuse. Stir for a good while until its all very, very chilled.

Strain into the glass(es), and garnish with a cherry or an onion speared on a cocktail stick.

Drink then recline. As this cocktail contains nothing but spirits over 40% vol you will have no choice before long. Oh, and be careful near any naked flames... (there is a pun there)

The Green Dragon is a truly lovely colour and even if some would say it does taste a little medicinal its been responsible for me forgetting where I live once or twice lately.

Speak soon my pretties!


thegardener1969@msn.com

Dingus

An old friend (The Critic) emailed me today, and amongst other things called me a 'dingus'

I've never been called a dingus before and despite having a relatively strong command of the English language, I had not come across the word. So I looked it up...

Google couldn't define it

Rebecca has a dog called it here.

Its an album by Cravin' Dogs here.

Go and listen, they're very good. They sound like Elvis Costello mixed up with the Kinks.

Dirty Dingus Magee (1970) Is a flick starring Frank Sinatra in an apparently not funny enough (and therefore forgotten) Western spoof. You can buy it here.

Hmmm I mused, better try the Oracle (no not Cecil) Dictionary.com Of course.

Ahhh.. There we are..

Dingus:
n. Slang
An article whose name is unknown or forgotten.
A person regarded as stupid.

[Dutch dinges, whatchamacallit, from German Dings, from Middle High German dinges, genitive of dinc, thing, from Old High German ding, thing, assembly, case, thing.]

So that's all right then. Had me vexed for a minute. She does know me after all.

This is better though Thanks to JD for that.

My work here is done.

Oh, of course! You must be wondering? Yes it is Friday and, no you're correct I'm not out. I went out last night instead (and it was quite excessive) as I have to be up early tomorrow. You see there is a perfectly rational explanation for everything.

Instead I have a bottle of excellent Red Burgundy and an evening with Goldfrapp and The Flaming Lips.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Autumn Leaves

I have a new route to the office, as is my want I sometimes travel by petrol power. The new route goes all through the forest for miles. The trees were spectacular in the sunshine this morning. Great ripped sheets of scarlet, bronze and gold hung in the air like priceless dreams.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Farewell Concorde, Hello Hangover

Lately, Friday nights seem to be serious nights out, its never my intention of course, but well, I won't argue.

I met a friend (James) for some drinks on Friday eve after work. He was very, very sad (as was I) as to the retirement of that beautiful thing, Concorde.

We decided that Concorde needed a proper send off so we went to my favorite bar of the moment Blend The staff their have forgiven my weakness for taking their candle holders home and worked tirelessly with us to create a suitable cocktail to toast the big white bird into history.

Teamwork paid off and a cocktail duly happened.

The Concorde!

You will need.

25 mill of Gin (what's that in fluid ounces?)
10 mill of Gomme (sugar syrup)
15 ml of Lemon Juice
Cocktail cherries
Champagne
Shaker
Champagne Flutes

Shake the Gin, Gomme and Lemon Juice over ice till your hands freeze, strain into your Champagne (fill about a third of the glass) Drop in a cherry and top up with Champagne.

Many thanks to the always welcoming and charming Angela who rules the roost at this great bar.

Things began to go downhill from there. I think a club happened, I think many more drinks happened, I think I got home about 3.30 AM. All I know for sure is that I came to, with my head resting on my PC monitor at home at nearly 5 and realising that trying to update this blog after an evening like that was a mission to far. (even for me)

On Saturday I went for lunch and the combination of a decent feed and a couple of pints stopped me shaking for long enough to get ready for the party I was going to in the evening.

Party was good. I ended back at Blend in the end, perhaps I'm a Moth of some sort? More lovely cocktails and another late one.

Well Done Samoa!

Late in and bleary eyed or not England were playing Rugby this morning and being a 'proper' gentleman I had to watch.

Phew! What a thriller!. Well done to the brave Samoans who nearly tipped up the applecart. Respect is very much due.

I think I have a hangover... How are you?

thegardener1969@msn.com

Funny Hats and Comics

I went to the secret pub tonight. That's the pub in the middle of London that's actually not in London but in Cambridge. Named the Mitre, it was established in 1546 and luckily for me is only a short walking distance from my office. It might well be a short walking distance from yours, but if you don't already know where it is then I can't tell you. Thats what 'secret' means

Its hidden in the middle of a hidden alley way, AND, - it's a secret alley way to. (Its too small for crowds, so if I don't show you personally, then tough)

Its also the only pub in London (that I am aware of) that has had the same barman and manager for aeons. They wear ties and white aprons and when you go to the small bar you are addressed as Sir, or indeed Madam.

They also serve the best pub food ever! Its a simple menu.

Toasted sandwiches

Cheese and Ham
Cheese and Tomato
Cheese and Onion
Cheese

-Notice a theme?

They also serve, sausages (cooked) pork pie's and scotch eggs. Ohh and nothing costs more than £1.50

Add beer, mustard and conviviality and quite frankly you can understand why Elizabeth the 1st used (they say) to pop in.

I was drinking with Mr H. A good friend of nearly a decade. He recently began a career in comedy. I think he had to after trying to make a living being serious ;) He's doing well, and although we speak often (online) its always good to catch up face to face.

By 9 though he had to go.

That's late in that pub, after all they shut at 10PM. The gates to the alley do as well. Not being part of London it has its own laws. For instance the London Police are not allowed in unless invited, as its outside their juristriction.

Oops again! As I walked through central London on a still cold night I decided home was not quite in order, so I went for impromtue drinks with a Princess instead.

Lifes handy like that.

Some Good Times

Well I said Thursday may be a little messy, and behold, it was.

A wonderful old friend, (no - I don't mean she is old - keep up will you!) swung into town and into my view for the first time in lots of years, near enough fourteen years actually. We had a great time catching up over numerous cocktails before ending up at The Rex

Anyway it was like the years hadn't been there, she's still gorgeous and apparently I'm not too bad myself.

I think I got home about 4 AM, I think I was tired but happy. I think this explains why I didn't get to work until 11 AM and then shortly afterwards had to leave it and seek refuge in a four hour lunch. As always at Sapori it was time well spent.

Kill Bill

Friday evening saw a visit to the Picture House. On the menu was Kill Bill...

Now so far every critic I've read has said that Kill Bill simply doesn't work as a movie, or is what happens when someone's (eg Tarantino's) ego is allowed to grow to top-heavy levels. But I loved it. Perhaps I'm just shallow? or just the right age to enjoy the references? Or perhaps beautiful women and lots of swords always works for me? After all I am a fella. Saying that though, my viewing partner (The lovely Walton) also enjoyed it immensely, and she is very much, not in the slightest bit (in any way) a fella. Go and see it.

The Luxuriance - Gerrard Street (on the Southside)

After the film, and a couple of beers at a very secret bar, eating seemed like a good idea. We skipped to China Town and to the Luxuriance. Being as the week reeked of nostalgia this seemed like the thing to do.

I last dined at The Luxuriance over 10 years ago, indeed I don't think I've eaten in China Town at all since the last time I was there. Its not the same. Its name used to reflect the food and the restaurant. The mainstay Crispy Duck (of course) was only average and the place no longer lives up to its name, but it was friendly enough and enlivened by Chinese Teenagers knocking back the tea. I shall foray into China Town once more soon and find a really decent restaurant to tell you about. It wasn't so bad that it could take the gloss off a good night.

The Weekend

Rugby on Saturday was as expected, though a little fraught. Roll on England to the Final!

Gardened today, the air was fresh and it seems as if natures getting ready for the cold snap. The mole is hiding deep and the fish stayed well out of the way. I netted the pond and placed more rocks on the fox. Something with big claws (a Jabberwock perhaps?) had tried to dig it up (and failed).

My friend is visiting London again this week. I'm very much looking forward to it.


thegardener1969@msn.com

Happy Birthday!

I've had a quiet week so far, few beers on Monday, gym Tuesday, night in last night, but tonight I'm off out for dinner and cocktails and I have a funny feeling it could get very, very messy indeed. I do hope so! I will let you know...

I'ts my Brothers Birthday on Saturday, He's a nice bloke. If anybody wants to buy him anything to celebrate this, simply email me and I'll tell you where to send the cash. Thanks in advance - you are too kind.

Updates

Oh - I meant to say, I was completely forgiven by the cocktail bar, so much so they are now buying 'me' drinks. (Which is nice)

The bag man was sitting on his stool again this morning next to his stall of bags. He was smiling and showing another chap a photo album of what seemed to be holiday snaps. They both ignored a girl who had stopped and was half looking at a new handbag until she went away. Perhaps its secret theater?

I had a quick stroll around the estate this morning and noticed that one of the cats had crapped all over Mr Fox's headstone. Anyone who thinks animals are fluffy, cute ickle house toys should really get out more.

Till next time. Keep em peeled.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Here Lies Mr Fox

Went for a stroll around the garden yesterday afternoon and found a fox. This youngish fox was beautiful, but sadly dead.

I couldn't determine how he came to be lying between the black bamboo and the hydrangea near the pond, nor how he came to be stone cold. After some contemplation I buried him down the garden near the Oak. The Stags watched curiously.

I scratched a piece of Portland stone with the words "Here Lies Mr Fox - Oct 2003" and laid it on top...

I'll plant something there in spring.

thegardener1969@msn.com

Sofa So Good

I accompanied a friend this evening after work to peruse Sofa's or suites as she (The Walton) is purchasing a flat. Naturally the flat comes without furniture.

Note: To those who think furniture shopping is not a worthy pursuit for men, I knew that the shops in Tottenham Court Road would be shut (at worst) by 7.15

Sofa's came and went, I saw a nice table, More Sofa's came and went and lo it was sadly 7.15.

Charlotte Street is (as I'm sure you know) nearby, with a multitude of restaurants. All of which, or nearly all were full.

We ended up eating at a Mexican sort of place called La Perla. Being the only place on the street not full of diners this didn't bode well, but when you expect only a little, anything more goes a long way. Friendly and unpretentious the food was just on the good side of edible but with enormous portions more suited to Rugby players, or indeed visiting Americans. We had a nice time! But eh? Since when did you have fantastic Mexican food anyway?

Cafe Perla

I recommend it as a decent stop station in between bigish nights out. There is a bar downstairs too, which looked to be worth hanging about in, and, in a tacky good old fashioned and wholesome way, the gents toilet is lined with pictures of South America's sexiest pin-ups (or at least a few of them)

Thanks to our waitress 'Emily' who's extra efforts made a real change to many much more extravagant restaurants.


thegardener1969@msn.com

Loose Ends

Bag man

Someone was looking at a plastic-wrapped, poor quality attache case on the bag mans stall this morning. The bag seller did not seem in the least bit interested in a potential customer and simply sat on his stool reading his morning paper. I am still musing as to his real purpose...

Fat

A chewy subject is fat, I've slacked off the gym a bit lately as I've been a bit under the weather and if I don't get back into it soon all my hard work will slowly collapse and settle once again around my waist.. Best get on with it I spose!

Work

Gosh! Its busy..

Question of the day

Black or Red?

thegardener1969@msn.com

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way Home...

What kind of a person would I be if I just recommended drinks to you and didn't test them to their limits as well?

A bad person, that's what!

So in the interests of this column I started off early on Friday night with a few Moscow Mules to open up the synaspses before shocking them brutally with a couple of Gibsons.

And there was me thinking I'd be tucked up at home by 11.

They weaved their magic and before I knew it I had been swished to a club by a friend and his support act of two lovely ladies and then on to a party.

Now I've been to some parties but this ranks as one the best.

Huuge beautiful apartment thingie nr Tower Bridge
Guest list, security.
2 or 3 free bars, with great staff. (or were they guests.. I don't know)
Silky Smooth Beats, DJ, Lights, Giant Glitter Ball.
Pool Table, Zillions of Sofa's

errmm lots of happy people 100? - 200?

I think I danced to much, I think I talked to much, I think I drank to much and I think I got home around Saturday lunchtime.

Thanks to Tommy, Andrew, Richard, Nick and Francesca who were the hosts, JM for taking me along and Dani for being so sweet.

Top night. (I hope I'm invited again)

So the lesson is clear. Drink the drinks I recommend and funny things can happen on your way home.

In other news: There wasn't any.

thegardener1969@msn.com

You Lucky Lucky People!

Oh, how I spoil you so. Do you deserve it?

No matter, I feel generous today.

Yes, you are getting not just one, but two cocktails of the month for October! I recommend the first one 'Moscow Mule' for the early mid evening while you still need to use conversation. The second one should be used sparingly to create that 'starburst followed by trip-hammer' effect toward the latter part of the night.

Enjoy.

Moscow Mule - you will need.

Tall Glasses
Ginger Beer (Idris of course)
Premium Vodka (Stolly Please)
Fresh Limes
Ice

Place Plenty of ice in glasses, squeeze juice of at least half a lime over ice. Give decent slug of Vodka. Top up with Ginger Beer. A quick stir and your away.

Warning for the stupid: Do not attempt to be flash and shake this in a cocktail shaker. You will end up as a Ginger Beer covered fool. Some weird types also add a small amount of demerera sugar to this drink. Just dont!

Gibson - A classic.

You might want a few Moscow Mules before you can attempt this, unless you love the taste of pickled onion juice. Try to ensure your partner also drinks this if you are hoping for snogs later on.

You need

Mixing Glass (or Shaker if you must show off)
Mixing Spoon
Chilled Martini Glasses (if possible)
Ice (as usual)
A large amount of quality Gin (Gordons or Plymouth for me please)
Some dry Vermouth (Martini Vermouth will suffice)
Silverskin cocktail onions
Cocktail Sticks

Put ice in mixing glass (or shaker) Pour a good three large measures of Gin into your mixing glass (Shaker) add about one and half teaspoons of the Vermouth (DONT overdo it - add less if you want..:). Mix using spoon (or shake) and pour into glasses.

Thread three (yes three) cocktail onions onto a cocktail stick twice (that's six in total shared tween sticks). Drop one stick of onions into each Gibson.

Enjoy.

Warning for the stupid: These two drinks with their Vodka and Gin qualities, when drunk in any quantity, in sequence could ensure that you wake face down in unpleasant or strange places. I am not liable for this. Oh - you can have a Vodka Gibson instead, but thats a bit modern for me.

Have fun.

thegardener1969@msn.com